This is our gardener, Moose. Moose is a Gemini. She likes taking long walks in the woods, romancing bulls, antagonizing small dogs and trimming expensive exotic shrubbery. Her favorite music group is Baha Men, especially “Who Let the Dogs Out.” She does not like constructive criticism, suggestions on her diet, bears, snow blowers, or marbles sent in her direction by slingshot. (She’s not that fond of old geezers walking in the driveway to get the paper early in the morning, either.)
Moose works cheap – room and board is all she asks. Unfortunately, the board part gets a little spendy at times, particularly when it involves hybrid roses, white lilacs, or the cotoneasters she’s admiring in the picture.
Moose is a workaholic. She will spend entire days, followed by entire nights, working her little heart out to ensure our yard does not get overgrown with shrubbery. She prefers working in the yard during the winter months, but will put in overtime during the summer, if needed and the urge strikes her. Moose is an over-achiever in many respects. In years past, she has single-hoofedly thinned out our tulips… over 100 of them in one sitting… er, standing. She has, with unabashed enthusiasm, trimmed two of our Canadian cherry trees into broken stumps. The remnants of one spirea – still struggling valiantly to recover from her handiwork of three years ago – serves as silent testimony to her unyielding pursuit of pruning perfection.
I mention all of this because I think it’s time that Moose seek employment elsewhere. So, if you are looking for someone to do a little shrubbery trimming, I will give Moose the heartiest of recommendations. She truly wishes to be an asset to somebody. (And I truly wish she’d quit being a pain in my asset!) Please leave your address in the comments and let me know where to send her… ASAP, as I’m running out of marbles.