Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Liebster Award = Mass Confusion

I got a very pleasant surprise last week when a fellow blogger sent a message telling me she had nominated me for an award. Let me be upfront about this: I say “fellow blogger” as if there was some parity between our blogs. There most certainly is not. One Funny Motha’s blog is heads and shoulders, miles and leagues, Duncan and donuts beyond anything this blog supplies. (I’d gush further, but she might want me to wash her car, or adopt one of her kids until they are through college, so I’ll just finish up by saying you really need to check her blog out. It’s very funny.)

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “What’s a Liebster Award?” I was wondering the same thing. Being the kid who had a “Kick Me” sign attached to his back until the age of eighteen, when I graduated from the fourth grade and the principal took it back, I was naturally suspicious of a gag. 

Turns out it’s legit. I pored over the information provided by searching Liebster Award. The only common threads I could find from the endless list are as follows: the name is Germanic in origin, “liebster” meaning dearest or beloved (Aw shucks, One Funny Motha, I didn’t know you cared. I still won’t take one of your kids.); the nomination is made by one blogger to another - no panels, no committees; you don’t have to accept it, but if you do, there are rules. And that’s where the mass confusion set in.

I’m sure at one point in time there were very specific rules. I mean, anything Germanic in origin must have rules and order - that is a law of the universe. However, any item handed down long enough is going to get a little tattered and torn; so it is with the Liebster rules. Here’s a brief compendium of what I found. 

You need to thank and link to the blogger who nominated you, unless you just want to thank them. You must post the award on your blog (they are assuming I possess much more know-how than I do). Provide eleven gee-whiz facts about yourself, or don’t, in case you’re paranoid. Answer eleven questions the nominator provides, or doesn’t, depending on what rules they are following. Nominate five other bloggers for the award, unless you want to nominate eleven, or any other number that strikes your fancy. The bloggers you nominate should have less than 200 followers, unless they have more and you think 3,000 is a better number, or really don’t care how many followers they have because well, damn it, you like them even if they have more friends and followers than you, and you really don’t like how everything has to be turned into a popularity contest because you had zits and were as homely as a mud fence when you were a kid.

Now that the rules have been clarified, I’ll let you figure out which ones I followed. 

Eleven gee-whiz facts about me:
1) I am claustrophobic
2) I actually enjoyed taking Latin in school as a kid (hated the teacher, however)
3) I have a degree in waste water treatment (ain’t that a pisser?) 
4) When younger, I considered a family sized Shakey’s pizza little more than an appetizer
5) I once caught a blue heron with my bare hands (trust me on this, once is enough) 
6) My nickname in high school was “Chink”
7) I despise computer games 
8) History is my preferred reading subject, but my favorite book is King’s The Stand
9) My first two cars were both 1965 Corvairs (talk about slow learners!) 
10) I passed my literature final by reading the Golden Classics comic book versions of Great Expectations and A Tale of Two Cities
11) I have never seen the movie Mary Poppins (which makes me a social leper)

Now to answer the questions passed along by One Funny Motha.  

1. What are three things on your bucket list? Find a one-ounce nugget with my metal detector. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Go to McNeil River and watch the brownies feed.

2. What is your pet peeve? People who suddenly find their cell phone more important than the conversation in which we were just engaged.  

3. What did you want to be when you grew up? A Mountain Man, but at the age of twelve I realized employment opportunities in that field pretty much dried up by 1840.  A doctor for awhile, but realized sick people can be contagious. Now, I’m still trying to figure it out.

4. What do you do to get out of a bad mood? Two options: take a nap, or go for a walk in the woods.  

5. What is your favorite book? The Stand because not only is the story good, the characters are interesting and well-developed.

It's all fun and games until the door slams shut.

6. What was your most awkward moment? I’m going with embarrassing/awkward. (See #1 of gee-whiz facts.) Wife and I are going to see Lehman Caves. As soon as the ranger closes and locks the exit on the airlock I start hyperventilating. Me: I can’t do this. Ranger: I’m sorry, I’ve locked the door. Besides, it opens up inside. Me: I’m serious, I need to get out. NOW! Open the door or I’ll claw through the $&%#@*+ thing!  Wife: I think you better listen to him, he’s claustrophobic. Ranger: Oh! Well, there’s no refund. Me panting and gasping: Do… I… look… like… I… care? (I still don’t know what I was thinking when I got the tickets.)

7. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? New Zealand and Australia. Nice people. Weird animals.  

8. How do you find balance? 12 ounces of chips with 12 ounces of beer

9. What is the best meal you know how to prepare? Share the recipe. Pickled salmon. See this previous post for the recipe. 

10. When you decide to have a nervous breakdown, where to you want to go? I genuinely don’t have an answer for that.  

11. What is your favorite phone app? The one where it rings, you answer it and talk.

I have picked out five blogs that I follow, either because they make me laugh, or the content is interesting. I hope they will accept their Liebster, but even more, I hope you will check them out. Their blogs are linked for easy access. So here goes.  

SuzanneLucas on Times Squared  
JustinKnight on Writing Pad Dad 
JoniHilton on Joniopolis

And if you guys accept the award, I’d like you to answer the same eleven questions I did.


  1. Awww, shucks! Thank you! I'm so flattered. I don't think I'm half as funny as you are, but I appreciate the vote. So what happens if I nominate you right back? :)

    PS: I'm looking forward to hearing the blue heron story soon.

    1. My pleasure. You can't nominate me back, but thanks. The blue heron thing was from my wild and ignorant youth. I'll bet you'd never guess herons don't like to be held, and can be quite feisty if the issue is pressed.

  2. I still don't understand why you won't take my kids. You're a pro at this. It would be so easy for you. Anyway, thank you for the kind words. Totally agree w/ your pet peeve. I can't believe you passed your literature exam by reading the comic book versions of the novel - maybe I'm not giving comics enough credit. Do you eat pickled salmon all through the winter?

    1. You can always threaten your kids with sending them up here. "You do that one more time, and I'm sending you to that crazy Alaskan guy, and he'll make you eat pickled salmon!" That oughta work. The pickled salmon is a year around thing, for me. Seriously, try it. Also works with trout, or any other "fatty" fish. Halibut and other white-fleshed fish, not so much.