Over the years I’ve come to accept what I refer to as middle-aged baby fat; where I glance in the mirror and say, “Oh baby! I’m getting fat!” It’s never been a big deal. The problem is easily solved by taking a couple of quick steps away from the offending mirror. However, in the ramp-up to my daughter’s wedding my wife and the bride to be decided a more active approach was required.
“We got a copy of a special, seven-day diet. With this diet, a person can lose up to fifteen pounds in a week if they don’t cheat. Even you can hack just one week of dieting, and you’ll have company, because we’re all going on it.”
Their field manual for the “special seven-day diet” was a fuzzy, worn, two-sided photocopy. One side spelled out the regimen. The other side provided instructions and a little background.
Add 6 heaping cups of water for body |
The regimen side listed, by day, what victuals were permitted. The core of the diet was a cabbage soup prepared with little more than a head of cabbage, a couple cans of tomatoes, green peppers, onions and a bunch of celery. For body, six heaping cups of water were added. The dieter was allowed to eat as much of the cabbage soup as they could hold. In fact, the dieter was required to eat a minimum of one large helping of the cabbage soup a day.
The instructional side proudly proclaimed the diet to be from the Our Sisters of Perpetual Infection Hospital. The claim being that the diet is used for overweight patients scheduled for heart surgery. Having experienced the diet, I would venture to say that it wasn’t used so much to reduce weight, but as more of a stress test and means of determining the will to live. If one could survive the stress of eating that cabbage soup day-in and day-out, it would be possible survive the small intrusion of someone splitting your sternum, prying it wide, and hacking away at a vital organ.
![]() |
Developed by the Sisters of Perpetual Infection Hospital |
The information also promoted the diet as an excellent way to rid the body of impurities. The “total flushing” was touted as a way achieve “a feeling of well being as never before.” I had read similar descriptions written by people that had almost starved to death. Just prior to passing to the Great Beyond, everything seems just hunky-dory. Consequently, I was not surprised by the claim. A little further into the information, the quick reference to “total flushing” was elucidated.
“Because everyone’s digestive system is different, this diet will affect everyone differently. After being on the diet several days, you will find your bowel movements have changed.”
Oh yeah, sure, and the Titanic’s maiden voyage wasn’t heralded as a complete success, either.
The diet instructions stated, “eat as much as you want; stuff yourself.” Then the euphoria of that promising statement was crushed by restricting the intake to the cabbage soup, vegetables and fruits.
Even the idea of eating just fruits and vegetables didn’t seem too daunting, so long as I could eat plenty. It was a simple matter of stuffing myself full of fruit for breakfast, soup for lunch and vegetables for dinner. Unfortunately, the rules of the diet allowed only fruits or vegetables on the same day. They couldn’t be consumed together. This caused considerable problems at the breakfast table on vegetable day.
“What do you want for breakfast?”
“Oh, I dunno... how about a couple of broccoli spears over easy, and a side of toasted spinach leaves? Hold the butter.”
The first day went as well as could be expected, but by the middle of the second day things started to unravel. I think it was the cabbage soup for breakfast. I started viewing things in a different perspective. For instance, our little dog took on the appearance of a walking roast, and I found myself insanely jealous of the big dog as I filled his dish with dog food.
The dog won't notice if I take just a bit... |
There is something morally reprehensible about considering a simple, dry, baked potato a reward.
I wasn’t the only member of the family that was suffering. The diet did little to enhance civility around the house.
“Hey! Who ate the last Brussels sprout? Mom, that was my Brussels sprout!”
There is little that can match the viciousness of a cat fight over a Brussels sprout between two starving women.
By the fifth day, just the thought of chewing my nails made my mouth water. Something... anything... that had to bleed and die before being thrown onto the plate sounded good. I even gave up fishing because the bait was too tempting.
The sixth day of the diet was my downfall. On that day, we were allowed meat. In fact, we were allowed up to twenty ounces of beef. At the prospect of having some real food, I lost control and opted to take my beef in the form of five McDonald’s Quarter-pounders.
Shameless plug: This post is an excerpt from Of Moose and Men: Home is Where the Harm Is, available from the U.S. Amazon and also Amazon in the UK.
Good for you because that wasn't a diet anyway. It was a form of mental torture to see how much you could withstand the smell of cabbage soup before telling the CIA everything you know about those damn spies.
ReplyDeleteI'll have a quarter pounder in your honour, my friend.
Oh, my friend, it was much more than just mental torture! There truly is such a thing as a fiber overdose! Should have known it would be brutal, if nuns were involved. ;-)
DeleteWonderful story - I love the baby fat joke to kick it off. I enjoyed having you try dieting so I don't have to - way to take one for your readers!
ReplyDeleteSacrifice, it's all about the sacrifice for the readers! Next, I'm trying the pepperoni sticks and beer diet.
DeleteThere are some of the proven health diet plans for you that are nutritionally balanced and can help you get better body and health without starving yourself.
ReplyDeleteWhere to buy acai berry powder
Does that imply that all overweight individuals are hopeless? Obviously not. It means that when you are fit and sound you like yourself and your life. glimbarosguesthouse
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to count every single calorie you eat. You just need to make sure what you're eating is healthy. Diet
ReplyDeleteThe detox will also improve a person's circulation and allow the body to work off of only good nutrients. Many users claim they feel more alive and refreshed after a detox. https://bit.ly/2Jh5gd6
ReplyDeleteJust can’t help to think, how a person can write such amazing stuff.
ReplyDeletehealth for life
These healthy saturated fats should be increased to give your body the energy it need what is ketosis
ReplyDeleteYou can play around with different combinations of cycling, I use three weeks on two weeks off because it is the simplest one for me to follow; the main goal is to prevent muscle loss and liver damage by limiting the amount of time you spend on a low carbohydrate diet.flex belt review
ReplyDeleteExercise is the single most important thing you can do to help you lose weight. Your body was designed to be used and the more exercise your body gets a whole host of good things happen.check these guys out
ReplyDeleteWhile that all sounds good low carbohydrate diets have the potential to cannibalize your hard earned muscle cells as well (thus creating a reduction in your body's ability to burn calories overall since muscle burns much more calories than stored fat) and has the potential to cause damage to your liver.cutting diet bodybuilding
ReplyDeleteBeing foodies its difficult to avoid these delicious food but they directly effect our health so we are supposed to be careful about consumption of such food. Thank you for sharing this post, its a guideline to maintain a balanced sugar diet.
ReplyDeleteGreen tea weight loss in 1 month
Replenish 360 offers one of the most affordable wellness and preventative services that are personalized and one of the most activating one-of-a-kind IV drip and infusions, vitamin and antioxidant supplementation, micronutrient therapy, and other additional supplementary wellness services to “renew your body, refresh your mind, and restore performance.” IV Infusion Therapy
ReplyDeleteHowever, before following any one of these diets, what is john barban's after dinner ritual please seek expert medical advice which will help you to choose which one will be the most effective for your body to lose excess fat.
ReplyDeleteWe post different types of posts related to a friendly diet, healthy tips, and more. Our main target is to confirm your healthy life. fat protein efficient diet
ReplyDeleteThe lemonade diet is highly effective but weight loss is more a fast than a diet and a special mixture of water, cayenne pepper, lemon juice and syrup are required.
ReplyDeleteTruly, over eating, while not working out, will make you put on weight; regardless of what time that you eat. At whatever point I am eager around evening time, similar to my propensity with different suppers during the day, I attempt to choose something that is normal in nature. best resouces and reviews
ReplyDeleteLow carb diet plan indisputably may be another type of diet for certain individuals, yet I can guarantee you, it has been around for such a long time. It is just currently being given genuine consideration after years for which our Government has been advising us to eat low fat diets and high-sugars. https://customketodietplanreview.blogspot.com/2020/10/the-benefits-of-ketogenic-diet.html
ReplyDeleteDespite the fact that sports can be compelling in adding to the advancement of cardiovascular fitness, some are moderately ineffectual and others can be successful. https://fitnessbond.com/
ReplyDeleteKetogenic dieting has been utilized for quite a long time in the treatment of youth epilepsy.All about health
ReplyDeleteThe thing I said about the main explanation slims down fall flat, which is an absence of consistence. bestwaystoloseweight.org
ReplyDeleteNonetheless, while on low carb diet plan, it is recommended that you eat as much as you can imagine or until you're full. This is allowed as long as you adhere to the allowed nourishments, for example, cheddar, egg, meat, and poultry, notwithstanding a limited quantity of green vegetables. Curcumin 95 ingredient distributor and supplier for natural supplements
ReplyDeleteVery good written article. It will be supportive to anyone who utilizes it, including me. Keep doing what you are doing – can’r wait to read more posts. 8 Weeks Keto Diet Plan
ReplyDeleteYou can likewise experience the ill effects of different issues when you start the keto diet - you may find that you have expanded pee, so it is critical to keep yourself all around hydrated. nr powder
ReplyDeleteAt the point when you at first beginning the keto diet, you can experience the ill effects of what is known as keto influenza. These side effects may not happen in all individuals and ordinarily start a couple of days in the wake of being on the diet, when your body is in a condition of ketosis. A portion of the incidental effects are: cognition boosters
ReplyDeleteThere are numerous normal weight loss legends that individuals live by with regards to their wellbeing.ดูดไขมัน
ReplyDeleteThey ought to have the option to create their own assets by charging expenses for their administrations.burnout mental health
ReplyDeleteThe themes referenced above are only a not many that will be tended to in Low Carb Dieting.
ReplyDeletehttps://dev.azure.com/danielrios/ladyimpeccable
Diet A will supply you with their food varieties, just as their unique beverage or bars to eat, and tell you precisely when to eat them. You will lose - say - 30 lbs in two months. Diet B will endeavor to assist you with realizing which food sources you ought to eat, the number of calories you really want to eat, why you want to eat them, Reiki kabbalah center - reiki master Columbus - Click for more information
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for sharing your knowledge with us.If you are looking for Write my essay for me then follow the best writing platform available online.convert video to dvd
ReplyDeleteIt makes web hosting reasonable and can host nice sites. https://onohosting.com/
ReplyDelete