Monday, February 10, 2014

Valentine's Day - an experienced man's advice

This Friday and Valentine’s Day are one in the same. Should we, as thinking men, fall lock step with the modern Valentine’s Day dogma? Should we allow our actions to be guided by the pressures and expectations foisted upon us by Madison Avenue advertising?  If we want our love life to continue an any quality sort of way, you’re darn right!  Guys, it’s time to get after it before you’re standing in front of your sweetie with a cellophane-wrapped, wilted bouquet and a bar mitzvah card written in Spanish because everything else Valentine’s was sold.

As a guy with a few of these occasions under his belt, I feel the need to pass along a little wisdom to those younger men who may be struggling with what to get their sweeties. However, before we get into the recommendations, let’s talk a little about expectations. Bear in mind that what you do for this Valentine’s Day sets expectations for the following years. If you set the bar low initially, you won’t have to jump as high in the future, or break the piggy bank. (Just sayin’.) 

This will get her attention
Is your honey-bunny the intellectual type?  Nothing shows how much you respect her mind like a book.  The problem with books for presents, however, is finding one the intended recipient has not read.  There are no guarantees, but I have three titles that I’d bet your gal hasn’t read.  Informative, and chock full of fascinating illustrations, Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies is bound to grab her attention.  This fascinating tome is available for only $14.35, but if you are on a budget, consider The Cellulite Secret for the paltry sum of $6.26.  Want to show her you’re a touchy-feely, relationship kind of guy? Try He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, which is on sale for the romantic season for only $11.49.

Oh, yeah! That's how I roll!

Want to make sure your sweet-cheeks thinks about you several times during that special day?  It will be guaranteed with “Valentine’s Day Toilet Paper.”  It’s so easy to show your baby how you roll for only $14.00.

So cute! And so many!

Do you have a gardener? Then try the dual pack of praying mantis egg clusters.  Your love bug will delight in the 100 to 400 “little mommy’s helpers” the two egg clusters will provide.  Not simply eco-friendly, but also economical, a pack of egg clusters can be delivered to your door for only $6.89! (Just keep them in the refrigerator until needed, or you’ll have some competition with the Orkin guy.)

This is good, I guess...

A gift of personal care is always appreciated.  A fancy Electric Manicure Kit fills the bill perfectly.  With all the included grinding attachments, the object of your affection will be able to trim, smooth, cut and buff nails.  A virtual steal at only $85.20! However, if it’s your versatility and common sense that you’re trying to highlight, a better bet is the Dremel 7700 Multi-Pro 7.2 volt Cordless Rotary Tool Kit for about half the price. Not only will nails get trimmed, buffed and beautified, but she’ll be able to do a little engraving, carving, woodworking, gunsmithing and auto body detail work.

but this is way better (and cheaper).

Trust me on this, guys - any of my picks will be sure to bring on the fireworks.  Take my advice and you’ll hear from your gal what Mrs. Poynor whispers in my ear every February 14: “Oh, sweetheart!  How can I miss you, if you won’t go away?”

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